schlagging.com

January 2009
S	M	T	W	T	F	S
« Dec
	1	2	3
4	5	6	7	8	9	10
11	12	13	14	15	16	17
18	19	20	21	22	23	24
25	26	27	28	29	30	31

-->

Bathroom tendencies

Posted on September 13th, 2006 by Josh.
Categories: random.

A quick, very un-scientific poll:

What do you do when you’re sitting on the toilet?

I’ll go first. At home, I have a book or magazine usually to keep my occupado while I’m doing my business. If I happened to be playing Game Boy or Nintendo DS, I won’t think twice about taking it in with me. Hell, I can remember one time when I was playing Tetris against some Japanese dude over the Nintendo WiFi network while sitting on the john. When I’m at work, I’ll find myself on my cell phone, either playing a game or browsing the net with my Opera mini browser. Sometimes I’ll text back and forth with someone. I just can’t sit there in silence staring at the wall.

2 comments.

Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus

Posted on September 8th, 2006 by Josh.
Categories: random.

I got this as an email forwarded to me by Matt, and I couldn’t just forward it on to a few people. I felt the need to share it with a broader audience. Enjoy!

Here’s a prime example of “Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus” offered by an English professor from the University of Phoenix.

The professor told his class one day, “Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. As homework tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that paragraph and send another copy to me.

The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story and send it back, also sending another copy to me. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back-and-forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely no talking outside of the e-mails and anything you wish to say must be written in the e-mail. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached.”

The following was actually turned in by two of his students, Rebecca and Gary.

THE STORY

(1st paragraph by Rebecca)
At first, Laurie couldn’t decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question.

(2nd paragraph by Gary)
Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. ” A.S. Harris to Geostation 17,” he said into his transgalactic communicator. “Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far…” But before he could sign off a bluish particle BEAM FLASHED out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship’s cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.

(Rebecca)
He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. “Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel,” Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspaper to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. “Why must one lose one’s innocence to become a woman?” she wondered wistfully.

(Gary)
Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anudrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace disarmament Treaty through the congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anudrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid Laurie.

(Rebecca)
This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic, semi-literate adolescent.

(Gary)
Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. “Oh, shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F**KING TEA???! Oh no, WHAT AM I to do? I’m such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels!”

(Rebecca)
Asshole

(Gary)
Bitch

(Rebecca)
F$%^ YOU, YOU NEANDERTHAL!

(Gary)
Go drink some tea, whore.

(TEACHER)
A+ . . . I really liked this one.

1 comment.

U of A! U of A! U of A!

Posted on September 8th, 2006 by Josh.
Categories: random.

You know what I haven’t looked at in a while?

U of A buttshorts

Ahhh.. much better.

0 comments.

Tattoo!

Posted on August 22nd, 2006 by Josh.
Categories: random.

I’ve always said that I’d get a tattoo if:

a) I came up with a meaningful idea that I wouldn’t someday regret, and
b) I would spend some time thinking about the idea and coming up with a design

Well, I think I’ve done it. The only thing I need to do now is sit on it for a while and make sure it’s what I want. If so, I’ll probably go with my dad and we’ll both get inked (he has said that he wants an anchor to commemorate his time spent serving our country in the Navy).

One thing that’s important to me is my ethnicity. I don’t flaunt it or anything, but I am proud to be what I am. I came up with the thought to incorporate both the Korean and American flags in my design. After some thought, I came to the idea of combining the flags. Here’s the design I came up with:

I took the Korean flag and inverted the colors of the yin yang, then included the stars and stripes. I just need to figure out if I want any white in the tattoo, or to leave it all or parts of it blank (leaving the white parts flesh colored).

Anybody know of good places in the Phoenix area? Only place I’ve heard of that seems popular is Club Tattoo. I’ll for sure have to go check a place out ahead of time and make sure they’ll be able to represent my idea properly.

7 comments.

Petals Around the Rose

Posted on July 12th, 2006 by Josh.
Categories: random.

Mike (squidwarrior) introduced me to a brain teaser called Petals Around the Rose. The idea is that you roll five dice and you get an answer that is either zero or an even number. That is all you get to know as a player who hasn’t heard of it - just the name of the teaser and that the answer will always be zero or an even number. Hit the link below for an interesting story about Bill Gates and other top computer nerds, as well as many rolls given with answers to help you figure it out.

Lloyd Borrett - Petals Around the Rose

If you figure it out, post a comment to let me know how long it took you - but don’t share the secret! It took me 10-15 minutes before I had the answer for sure. I looked at it a bit and read the story, went to lunch and forgot about it, then came back and it hit me - just like that. Some people can get it in just a few rolls. Some people take a long time, and may never figure it out.

Edit: so far two responses, but they’re apparently too good to leave comments. Tom figured it out after looking at three rolls, and it was omg easy for Puza. Whatever that means.

0 comments.

Longest. Fireworks display. Ever.

Posted on July 5th, 2006 by Josh.
Categories: random.

Last night, I went to the Tempe Beach Park 4th of July fireworks show. It lasted 40 minutes. The first few minutes were all right. Then there were about one firework every ten seconds, with an occasional burst of a few more. Then in the last five minutes, there were quite a few big bursts followed by the grand finale.

I’m sure someone put a lot of thought into the show, but did they fail to realize how people tend to have short attention spans? If they shot off fireworks at twice the rate in half the time, I’m sure a lot of people would have enjoyed the show better.

Speaking of people not enjoying the show.. within a few minutes after the start, people started leaving. By the end, half of the crowd had dispersed. It’s as though they waited through half an hour of traffic only for about five minutes of enjoyment. A fireworks show is hardly worthwhile without seeing the grand finale!

But then the realization of how slow the show moved along shone some light on the situation. Maybe next time it won’t suck so much.

On a positive note, I was on TV before the show started.

0 comments.

Navy SEALs

Posted on April 8th, 2006 by Josh.
Categories: random.

From an email my dad forwarded to me:

Navy SEALs are always taught:

1) Keep your priorities in order
2) Know when to act without hesitation

A Navy SEAL was attending some college courses between assignments. He had completed missions in Iraq and Afghanistan.

One of the courses had a professor who was an avowed atheist and a member of the ACLU. One day he shocked the class when he came in, looked to the ceiling, and flatly stated, “God, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I’ll give you exactly 15 minutes.”

The lecture room fell silent. You could hear a pin drop. Ten minutes went by and the professor proclaimed, “Here I am God. I’m still waiting.”

It got down to the last couple of minutes when the SEAL got out of His chair, went up to the professor, and cold-cocked him; knocking him off the platform. The professor was out cold. The SEAL went back to his seat and sat there, silently. The other students were shocked and stunned and sat there looking on in silence.

The professor eventually came to, noticeably shaken, looked at the SEAL and asked, “What the hell is the matter with you? Why did you do that?”

The SEAL calmly replied, “God was too busy today protecting America’s soldiers who are protecting your right to say stupid shit and act like an asshole. So He sent me.”

1 comment.

Mustachio

Posted on April 8th, 2006 by Josh.
Categories: random.

All right, so any time any of you may be feeling down in life, or just need a little motivation to excel at what ever you are about…look at this picture, it will provide all the motivation you could ever hope for, and then some. maybe someday the rest of you can be as amazing as me.
-bek

0 comments.

Some people have all the luck…

Posted on April 5th, 2006 by Josh.
Categories: random.

And this time, it’s me baby.. me!!

Danny and I got locked out of our apartment tonight. It was ridiculous. We were going to run over to Checker Auto Parts and back, and just after pulling out of the complex - I realized that I forgot my wallet - not to mention phone and key to the apartment.

I get back to see Matt driving away, leaving a locked apartment behind with both Danny’s and my phones and apartment keys. We’re basically out of luck. Well, we go to Checker, and I use my handy key chain credit card to get what I have to get.

We then kill some time at the pet store, and end up getting some Pei Wei to go. We end up back at our apartment, sitting on the stairs waiting for Matt to get back from wherever he disappeared to.

This is the whole point of the post. What a build up, huh?

Anyway, I crack open my fortune cookie, eat half of it, and then read my fortune (gasp! I’m supposed to eat it all first, or read it first, right? but never halfway in between!). Well, here’s mine: